Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
