You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We need to get me chipped asap
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
