The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
