I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
