tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
