Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
