I cannot find my penis.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
