I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
