At least make sure they are 18
Why
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
