I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
