LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
