chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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