he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
