It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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