She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
