I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
