I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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