Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
