Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i will never coherently bang her
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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