Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
worst night to have a conscience
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
