I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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