Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
