I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
