It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Randomize
