Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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