im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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