i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
