I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
it's great music for shaving your balls
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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