Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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