her vagine was all disorganized.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
