Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
