Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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