Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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