wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
