Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
