I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
