I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
