Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
