Do you still have your period?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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