we have officially lost it.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
