Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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