This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
