my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
