My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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