Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
