giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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