I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
