Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
