Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just invented taco cereal.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
