Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I deserve this hangover.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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