Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
